From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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