i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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