You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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