shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
