you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
