I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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