Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
