Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
