i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
