EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
