I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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