I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
and you fell through a lawn chair
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
