pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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