just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
