I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
