Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
