Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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