never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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