someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I bet he comes in French.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize