I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
