New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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