I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
