Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
