They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
