i need an iv and a liver transplant
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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