loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
