Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
