His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
