no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
