can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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