It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
