I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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