i barfeds in our rink
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
