when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize