He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
third nipple confirmed
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
