We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
