Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
