i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
