i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
