I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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