hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
