Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
