I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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