I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize