I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
