the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
