you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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