From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
