the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize