There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
