3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
