Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
