He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize