I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
