I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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