it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize