I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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