At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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