The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize