is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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