if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
