She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
