Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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