I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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