I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
