my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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