census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
